


you're a ray of fucking sunshine and i'm a piece of shit

by a_very_british_fangirl



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_very_british_fangirl/pseuds/a_very_british_fangirl
Summary: Jen confesses something to Judy at the pool's edge
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 1
Kudos: 44





	you're a ray of fucking sunshine and i'm a piece of shit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I love this pairing and I'm a sucker for love confessions so here's a little oneshot, hope you enjoy :)

“Judy?” Jen kept her eyes on her toes that were idly trailing over the water of the swimming pool.

“Yeah?” Judy looked up from her loosely held wine glass to see Jen pointedly avoiding looking at her, her eyes still downcast.

“Listen, I know I don’t do feelings and all that crap. In fact, my emotional range is usually pretty pissed to pretty fucking angry. But I need you to know that I love you. And I know I’ve said that before, and meant it too! And you’ve said it and meant it, but, like, I really truly properly love you.” Jen briefly raised her eyes to Judy’s and, seeing her big brown eyes staring back unfathomably, she flicked them back down to her lap, fiddling with her hands and shaking her head a little. “Ugh, forget it, that was gross.” She tried to sound derisive but wasn’t very convincing.

“No.” Jen met Judy’s wide, clear eyes again before looking away. She couldn’t understand why she could no longer meet Judy’s eyes. “No, it wasn’t. It was truthful and beautiful.” Judy’s voice was as clear and earnest as her gaze and it made Jen retreat.

“Judy, c’mon I-” Jen tried to scoff.

“I love you.” Judy’s words were much softer and simpler than Jen could ever have hoped to achieve and yet they were just as full of meaning. They held a weight they never had before and Jen felt the need to run again. This feeling heightened as she suddenly felt Judy’s small hand cup her cheek. Just as instantaneously, or at least it seemed to Jen, Judy pressed her pretty lips to Jen’s and kissed her just as gently and simply as she had told her she loved her. 

Jen stayed frozen for a moment and, for a second, she thought her fight or flight might cause her to break away and run to the other end of the fucking county. But then she was kissing her with a kind of desperation she didn’t know she had - she too matched her previous declaration in a messy, more desperate way than Judy’s soft kiss.

Jen’s brain seemed to finally process what was happening and she pulled away quickly leaving Judy looking slightly confused and worried. “Jen, what is it?”

“Judy, you just fucking kissed me!” Jen looked aghast and Judy couldn’t help but giggle.

“Yeah and you kissed me back, so…” Judy reminded her with a grin. However, her wide smile dropped on seeing that Jen looked genuinely upset. “Oh god Jen did I misread this? I’m so stupid, I’m sorry.”

“No, you didn’t. I mean what I said, I fucking love you. It’s just, you don’t love me. Or at least you definitely shouldn’t. You’re a ray of fucking sunshine and I’m a piece of shit. You’ve been so fucking good to me, you’ve been with me through all this bullshit and I’ve been so shitty so many times. You deserve so, so much better than me. I’m just an angry fucking piece of shit." Jen's voice cracked on her last few words as they had when she'd broken down in the garage. She tried to hide her tears looking around, flustered, trying to regain control of her unusually vulnerable state. 

Judy watched her for a few moments before she could no longer bear it. She wrapped her small arms around Jen and held her close. To Jen, Judy’s arms felt stronger than any man’s and yet softer and more loving than any she’d ever been held in. Much too soon, Jen thought, Judy gently moved her body away from her, holding her shaking arms with her firm, assuring hands and peering at her face. Again, Jen felt herself unable to meet the other woman’s gaze as though worried she would somehow taint it’s purity. She felt unworthy of the adoring look she knew would be on Judy’s face and therefore shied away from it. No one had ever made her feel this vulnerable before and it both scared and excited her.

“Jen, please look at me.”

Jen started, ashamed and embarrassed that she had been so obvious in avoiding Judy’s eyes. She finally lifted her watery blue eyes to look straight at Judy. The wide-eyed look of love on her face nearly made Jen start crying again and it took everything she had to keep herself looking steadily back at her.

“Jen, listen to me, ok? You have been as good a friend to me as you say I have to you. You have every right to be fucking angry and you know what, its amazing. It drives you, you won’t take no for an answer; it’s helped me stop being such a wet blanket that everyone walks all over. You have gotten us through all this crazy shit because you’re an angry, strong, scary woman.” 

Jen wrapped herself back around the smaller woman, partially to try and disguise her renewed tears and partially because she loved feeling her close.

"You're too good to me." She murmured into Judy's shoulder in a small and strained voice. 

"Maybe, but I'm definitely not too good for you, ok?" 

Jen sighed shakily squeezing Judy a little tighter to show her acknowledgement.

"Now," Judy extracted herself from Jen's grasp once more, "I'm gonna kiss you again and you're not gonna feel guilty about it. Because I want to, got it?" 

Jen nodded her head vaguely, more intent on fixing her eyes on Judy's lips in barely concealed anticipation.

Judy chuckled very faintly to herself before softly resuming the previously broken kiss. This time, both were much more in tune with each other, finding a rhythm just like the easy rapport they held in conversation. Jen let her new found desire take over, moving one hand up to Judy’s face and tangling the other into her hair to draw her as close as possible, all while kissing her fiercely. Judy smiled against the other woman’s lips as she wrapped her arms around Jen’s neck. 

After what seemed like a blissful eternity to Jen, Judy broke away from her gently and rested her forehead against hers, keeping her arms fixed firmly around Jen’s neck. Jen moved her hands down to rest on Judy’s hips and finally smiled a small smile. 

The words came easily to Jen this time.

“I love you.”


End file.
